We Worry Too Much..

In last week's Sunday mass,
Pastor touched on the topic of human
beings worrying too much.




According to a survey, humans worry about:
40% of things which will never happen
30% of things which happened in the past
12% - I forgot about this one, sorry...
10% - health problems
8% real problems

So according to Pastor, if we can change our attitude and mindset, we would be worrying at least 70% less! Why worry about something which will never happen? Why worry about things which have already happened in the past? True indeed.. but I guess it's easier said than done. I am trying to remind myself not to worry as much, and take each day as it comes, but sometimes the 'what ifs' are too great for me to resist thinking about them.

Don't Worry, Be Happy?

Mood: Sleepy and bored..

No title yet

Haven't thought of a title for this one.

Basically I have a few moments to share, and thought I can quickly do some updates here.

My labs have all been completed! Hooray...! Definitely something to celebrate.. I can look forward to going home at a more reasonable hour now. I remember half way through the lab, we thought that going home at 10pm or 11pm was early. Crazy isn't it? Shows that humans can be "conditioned" to behave or think in a certain way.

No photos to show today because... you guessed it - The camera is not with me, and I blame my recent lack of new posts entirely to the absence of the camera, and the person holding onto the camera.

Alright, nothing much to update except that I will be travelling (for work) alot from June onwards. Looking forward to them!

Api-Api

Do you know what is api api?

Apparently that is the original name of Kota Kinabalu, or in chinese Ya Bi. I never knew that! One of my colleague told me that even Chinese tourist knows about it, what a shame, being a Malaysian and not knowing about it.

So I looked it up in Wikipedia, and true enough it was there. I also found out that KK has a couple of other names besides Kota Kinabalu, Jesselton and Api Api. Let me extract that info and share with you here:

From Wikipedia:

Kota Kinabalu

Original names
Besides Jesselton, there has been a number of other claims as to the original name for Kota Kinabalu. The most popular, as mentioned above, is Api-Api, or sometimes simply Api, which is a Malay word meaning 'Fire'. It was apparently named as such by the mainly Bajau locals to denote the blazing of the British administrative office in Pulau Gaya instigated by Mat Salleh,[11] as well as other blazing incidents normally perpetrated by pirates. There were claims however that it was actually named after a nearby river called Sungai Api-Api. Another theory states that "Api-Api" is the local name of the common Avicennia tree found in abundance around the area.[12] Transliterated into the formal Chinese name of Ya Bi (亚庇 yà bì), the Hakkas here too adopted this name and some still use this name to this day.[13] Besides Api-Api, another suggested historical name was Deasoka, which roughly means "below the coconut tree" in the Bajau language.[12] The Bajau locals purportedly used this name to refer to a village on the southern part of the city which was filled with coconut trees. Another name was Singgah Mata which literally mean "transit eye", but can be loosely translated as meaning "pleasing to the eye". It is a name purportedly given by fishermen from Pulau Gaya referring to the strip of land of what is today Kota Kinabalu city center.[14] Today, all these names have been immortalised into names of streets or buildings around the city. Some examples are: Lintasan Deasoka, Api-Api Centre, Jalan Singgah Mata, and Jesselton Point.

Ah-so-neh... now I know.. You learn something new everyday!

Mood: Good!

Tai Ping Ho Chiak? Not...

Went to this restaurant in Sea Park yesterday night with 3 friends for dinner. It is located opposite the old Ruby Cinema, ame row as the KFC. Restaurant name is Taiping Ho Chiak, literally means Taiping Delicious, or so we thought.


Our unpleasant experience begun with 2 of us arriving first and choosing a 4 person table. The waitress came over and asked if we were ordering rice and dishes, and suggested we move to a much bigger table (enough for 6-8) as it would be more spacious. We were apprehensive about it first, but she said that it's ok since it was a rainy night and there were not many customers around. So we shifted table, and while waiting for our 02 friends to turn up, more patrons turned up. The lady captain came over and asked how many of us and wanted us to shift to a smaller table, I told her in an unfriendly manner that her colleague recommended this table to us. To cut the long story short, we changed to a smaller round table later (which was bigger than the one we first picked out). We got down to ordering our food after settling this issue.


We ordered a set menu for 3, comprising of the brinjal, soya pork and sambal prawn, and added acar and popiah. We also ordered herbal drinks. By this time, the restaurant was full, and crowded. Obviously shortage of manpower, the service level became unbearably slow. Our food took about 40 minutes to arrive, with no cutleries nor rice to go with the dishes. We had to ask for it. Half way through our meal, I thought something was amiss and asked for the menu, true enough, our set was supposed to come with soups but they have forgotten all about it. We highlighted it to them, only then did they bring the soup. Were the food delicious? It's alright, to the point of being so-so only, I mean I wouldn't drive all the way there just to have dinner. When we were almost done with dinner, we realised that our popiah has not arrived and again, had to tell the waiter about it. We wouldn't have missed anything great even if it didn't come because the popiah skin was too thick, and it was kinda bland.



My friends and I decided that we probably wouldn't patronage this restaurant again, not because it was that bad an experience, rather we just felt that we could be treated better elsewhere.

Clockwise from top left: Brinjal, Acar, Soya Pork and Sambal Prawn

Popiah

Taiping Ho Chiak?

Mood: :-)

0 KM to Kuala Lipis??

Have you ever seen something like this?

I was told that the location of Kuala Lipis is at the center point of Peninsular Malaysia, all measurements of distance start from here, hence there is the 0km signage, which is unique to this place. I mean, where else in this world would you find this?

I tried to upload a map of Peninsular Malaysia with Kula Lipis marked, but it was too small, doubt you will be able to see it. You just have to take my word for it, or google it.

Conteng..

I am still trying to decide whether I have mispelled this in Malay. Can't believe my Malay language has deteriorated so much..

Anyway I drooled this last night in the lab when I was bored.. I know it looks like a 3 year old's drawing.. but what the heck? We can have a good laugh at my lack of talent in this area.. if I can draw well, I would have become an artist.. haha..

p/s: Yes, that is Donald Duck on the right there.

Mood: Lousy, too many hands in the pot, spoiling the broth

Outrageous price for a packet of chips

I was at Starbucks today, and I had a frappuccino and a chicken sausage puff for lunch.
I wanted something to munch after having my lunch, and walked over to the counter to browse for items.

I saw some potato chips and grabbed one packet without asking for the price, thinking that it couldn't be more than MYR2-3 (or maybe even MYR4), I got a shock when the cashier told me that it costs MYR6.20 inclusive of tax! Turned out that the Kettle chips costs MYR5.90 per packet and with tax it's MYR6.20. I cancelled my order immediately, there is no way I am paying MYR6.20 for a packet of chips (unless it is Walker's Chips, read earlier blog on " My Favourite Potato Chips" if you are puzzled), I mean, my chicken sausage puff only costs MYR4.80 before tax. Would anybody pay that much to buy Kettle potato chips?

I wouldn't, period.

New Sakura - well worth it

Over the weekend, Abi and I went down to Singapore. We went out to New Sakura with his sister and family to New Sakura for dinner. New Sakura is like Saisaki in Malaysia, or Sakae Sushi but buffet style.


For SGD24.00++ (additional SGD2 for public holidays and weekends), you can eat all you can! The variety is good, and the sashimi is so fresh!


We had a really good time enjoying the food, it was simply fantastic! I highly recommend the place for dinner. Try the durian puffs and the cheese cakes while you are there, fabulous. I can go on and on about the delicious food but I shall not, instead I will post the photos here, you can judge if the food looks nice enough for you to try out the place.


I will definitely go back there the next time I am in Singapore.

Cheese Baked Oyster

Mussels

Herbal Prawn

Durian Puffs

Cheese cake, Layer cake, mango cake, moichi and chocolate

New Sakura restaurant

Mood: Waiting to go home.. tired already..

Turkish Delight 2

If you were reading my previous blog, and thought that 11.30pm was late for leaving the lab, I left at 2.00am and 1.30 am for the next two days. The good news is that that lab has ended, the bad news is that the other lab was extended so it's never over until it's over (will it ever be over?) And there are still more labs to come till early May.. someone help me.. the hours are insane, and the labs are intense.



Oops, I am way off topic, anyway I just wanted to post the photos of more Turkish Delight given to me by my colleague based in Turkey. Yes, the same one who let us tried the earlier Turkish Delight. This one is slightly sweeter, so I like the first one more. Heard that there are many flavours, and pistachio and chocolates are nice! When I do visit Istanbul, I will make it a point to try them.

Someone actually commented that it looks like something which has gone bad.. haha.. think it does look like that in a way, but I assure you that it tasted good and I didn't have any stomach upset. Apparently if you keep it in the fridge, you can store it for 1 year!

Mood: Can't wait to go home..

Turkish Delight

Lab is half way through, last night was the latest where I left work at 11.30pm while my lab members were still hard at work. I felt bad for leaving earlier but I need my sleep, and I saw no reason for me to stay at the lab further since they were basically documenting items into spreadsheets and powerpoint. (ok fine it's just my excuse for wanting to leave..)

Anyway one lab member from Istanbul brought with her some Turkish Delight, and I was pleasantly surprised as we didn't expect it. My cousin was telling me so much about it that I felt privileged to be able to try it in Malaysia. If I do visit Turkey, I would be trying it again because it tasted really nice, not too sweet, just nice. Perfect for a tea time snack or for coffee breaks.

I told my cousin I took a photo of the Turkish Delight and will be posting it on my blog, and she almost wanted to kill me over the phone. I am still doing it.. hehe..

Well, here it is, Turkish Delight.

p/s: cousin, please don't kill me.. hehe.. and thanks to abi who corrected the typo error..

Mood: So sleepy...

Escaping from the 8x5

What's an 8x5 you ask?

It's the small little cubicle which you head to, normally 5 times a week and officially 8 hours a day. Yes, it's your work station, work area, work place, whatever you call it. Why do I call it 8x5? I don't really know the exact measurement of the cubicle, but I just made up the length and width and call it an 8x5. Well, currently I do not favour my 8x5. Actually I don't think it is the cubicle, it's probably more of the nature of work that I am currently handling.

I very nearly ran away from work today, to avoid the task at hand. But I didn't in the end, I stayed put and instead bought a big packet of potato chips to munch while trying to absorb what all my datas are trying to tell me. This diagnosis and prognosis thingy is not easy man...!

Countdown to lab session, 5 days and I've got 4 routes to do. Man this is going to be difficult, and tough.. This is the time to ask for divine intervention and reinforcement.. Help!

Lord, please help me with my data analysis and prognosis and super reading power and microsoft office skills and stamina and.. and.. and...... could you just make the labs disappear instead? Amen...

:-)

Look at those cars!

I was on my way to work this morning, and I was coming to a cross junction with traffic lights. Like a law abiding citizen, I stopped at my junction while waiting for the traffic lights to turn green, before the yellow box. I know I caused some traffic congestion at the back because I didn't move into the yellow box, but hey, I wasn't committing the crime, I was merely following the traffic laws!



Then along came a few cars, which overtook me from my right hand side and went straight into the yellow box! I was quite pissed actually, for one they have cut my queue, and they are now in my way. And it is definitely not fair for all of us who were waiting in line. Luckily I had the camera with me, and I snapped photos of them traffic offenders. I wonder whether these photos are enough to penalise them?

This was the traffic condition at the cross junction. Notice all the cars in the yellow box?

This car cut right in front of me, notice how he is very much in the yellow box? Can you read the number plate? Good....

There were more cars wanting to cut queue (notice the car to my right?) while other more civilised drivers were patiently waiting outside the yellow box (sort of outside lah..)

If you are the car owner featured here, you should be ashamed of yourself. Let's try to be civilised drivers out there shall we?

Mood: Bad.. lab session starting next week, and hearing nothing but bad news..

London Transport Awareness Ad

I got this from my friend's blog, and I thought that this ad is brilliant. Thus I posted it here on my blog.

Do check it out.

http://www.dothetest.co.uk/

Mood: Busy, busy.. and so not looking forward to next week's lab session... :-(

Bridge score!

Haha.. if you are wondering what this is about.. it's about 4 of us friends who are crazy about bridge. We meet about twice a week to play bridge, and we keep a score sheet on the winnings. (yes, we are that crazy about it).

We started playing bridge since June last year, and I am going to announce our scores so far here. Oh dear.. I typed out a table in excel but somehow the table didn't transfer over here well. Guess I will have to type this out.

For year 2007 (June to Dec)
Total number of games played: 1154

Number of wins
ST - 630
CM - 532
KB - 580
WY - 566

For 2008, during the first 3 months of this year, we played 603 games already!
And the scores, thus far, are:

ST - 320
CM - 301
KB - 280
WY - 305

I know it is just a matter of time before CM or WY catches with me on the score, so.. I will treasure the lead while I can.

Bridge is a really addictive game, the only down side is only a maximum of 4 players can play. Actually you can only play when you have 4 players. Funny how bridge is often thought of as "old men"'s game, when it is so challenging and exciting to play. Of course you'd have to have the patience to sit there for a couple of hours to play, chatting nothing but the strategies of the previous game, and how bidding could have been improved with your partner.

I am glad I found 3 other friends with such passion about the game as I do. Let's not let the playing stop.... ever...! (haha.. I can hear someone fainting..)

Caramel Bread Pudding

I made this after the ginger egg pudding as we had some milk left so decided to make the caramel bread pudding.

I will not elaborate on the process. Just to share with you what the end product looked like.

Oh, someone took the camera back from me so I will not be able to snap as many photos of my activities in the coming days.. so.. blame him..

(hint hint: I want the camera back when you are done with it... :-P)

p/s: looking forward to the bridge session tonight!

Ginger Egg Pudding

My plan today is to go pasar tani with mum, buy wall fan for the kitchen, and make ginger egg pudding.

It'd be my first attempt, not sure how it will turn out. As usual, I will try to take some photos of the process and show you the outcome. That's the plan...

Oh, aunty is here. We should get going now..

Ta!



Ok, as promised, here are the ginger egg puddings.. the puddings turned out great! It tasted fantastic as well, but unfortunately, everyone only had stomach for one cup of ginger egg pudding. Luckily I only made one recipe.

Love this art!

Ever heard from "Shui Jing Nei Hua" (Literally translation means Drawing Pictures Inside the Crystal)? Well, It is truly an art in itself, and one that I appreciate and enjoy so much!
I made the discovery during my Jan 08 trip to China, and it was in Nanjing that we saw this form of art. It takes tremendous amount of accuracy and perfect timing, coupled with stable hands and artistic imagination to complete every piece of artwork. I am truly amazed and fascinated by it, and I can stay there and watch the sifu at work the whole day. Unfortunately, because we are on tour so we could only stay a while, but I took quite a fwe photos of the crystal. You will surely be impressed by it.
Here are some of the photos of the crystal:

Notice the detailed artwork? Amazing isn't it?

In the form of teapot

I love them...!

Who is that...?

Who on earth would be wearing such mis-matched shoes?

Haha.. (that's for being too busy to pay attention to me :-p)

Guess who?

This one?

:-p

Pivot Table

Argghhh...! I am doomed...

I have no idea how to use a pivot table and chart, and all my colleagues are pivot experts. Every excel sheet is presented in pivot as there are lots of data, and I am still trying to figure out the "how-tos" of pivot function.

Tried the Help button on Excel, but it's too brief. I need something that will teach me the ABCs of pivot, to hold my hand and guide me through each step of the way. No wonder I saw a book on Pivot on my colleague's desk the other day. Who wouldn't, given the complexity?

I am off to the bookshop to get myself a book on pivot. I think it is a really useful thing to learn.

Ta ta!

My All Time Favourite Potato Chips

Tada...!

The love of my life

This is my favourite potato chips. I adore it, I abdolutely love it.



I started eating it during my uni days in the UK. When I finished my degree, I came back to Malaysia and that was the end of my romantic interlude with Walkers Potato Chips.



Whenever I know of people travelling to the UK, I would plead/ beg/ shed tears (ok lah, I merely had to ask nicely) for them bring back a few packets for me, but alas the supply don't last long.



Through someone, I currently have some on stock and I am very happy..! I have even taken photos of it so that you know exactly what to buy for me should you be in the UK. Remember, I only like the Cheese and Onion flavours, there is the individual mini packet, and there's the 6-in-1 packet. It is easier to carry the 6-in-1 packet (and of course because then I will have more of it.. >_< hehe) so do look out for it.

(right) The 6-in-1 packaging

Ok, bye for now!

Monday morning..

I am not in the mood to work today....

All I can say is, it is very frustrating when you are not in control of things and you have to rely on others' inputs. All you can do it just wait and wait, and hope that they will be able to deliver what you EXPECT them to deliver.

Yes, I am talking about the external consultants. It has been a very frustrating experience so far, and is causing me to have sleepless nights and awful working days.

I really hope that they finally get what we want, and expect and deliver!

Happy Birthday Mummy..!

On this joyous occassion of my mum's birthday, I decided to make her a cake. So I waited till mum woke up in the morning, and asked her what cake would she like me to make.

Once we decided on tiramisu, we then got down to work. I hear you asking "we"? Thought it was supposed to be me making a birthday cake for mum? Well, you have to understand.. mum is er.. not very confident about my baking.. hehe.. *shy* although I HAVE baked a few cakes before. Plus, mum is an expert in the baking department thus she wants to "supervise".

Mum baked the sponge cake base while I made the coffee liquor syrup, mum basically took charge after that. She delegtated jobs to me and efficiently instructed next moves. And voila...!

The cake is basically done, and we are waiting for it to chill. I took a few photos during the process and I will post it here, together with the recipe. I have not tasted the cake thus I do not know if the recipe is a success.

Tiramisu

Ingredients:

Sponge Cake
3 eggs (Grade A)
90 g Castor sugar
90g plain flour, sifted
*If you have sponge mix, you can basically skip the steps above and use the sponge mix to bake the sponge cake instead. Much faster...!

Coffee Liquor Syrup
250ml (1 cuo) boiling water
2tbsp instant coffee
4-5 tbsp sugar
4tbsp Kahlua/ Tia Maria (coffee liqour), optional

Cream Cheese Layer
500g mascarpone or cream cheese
80g castor sugar
120g whipped cream

Garnish
cocoa powder


Method:
1. Sponge Cake: Whisk eggs and sugar till very thick and fluffy. Fold in flour lightly. Pour into a 22gm/ 9" round cake tin and bake at 190C till golden brown (about 20-25 minutes). Remove, leave to cool and cut into small rounds.










2. Coffee liquor syrup: Mix boiling water, instant coffee and sugar till dissolved. Leave to cool and add in Kahlua/ Tia Maria.

3. Cream cheese layer: Beat cream cheese and sugar till light. Add whipped cream and mix well.











4. To assemble: Line serving bowl with 1 small round sponge, sprinkle coffee liqour syrup generously over cake to soak it.

5. Spoon cream layer to cover the sponge cake.
Place another layer of cake on top of cream layer and repeat as before.








6. Finally, sprinkle some cocoa porwer on top of cream layer. Chill in the fridge for at least 3-4 hours before serving as dessert.








7. Decorate as you please (ok, ok, not part of the recipe... I added the sentence..

VOILA!

(The finished product)

I hope the cake taste good, no.., I am SURE it will taste superb! I had fun making tiramisu with mum today. Now you go and try the recipe ok?

Pictures on my blog

Haha.. I am having so much fun adding pictures to my blog I can't stop!



I have added a few more pictures to my previous posts, so do take a look and see if it transformed the posts. I think the pictures are incredible, and have done wonders to inject life and emotions to my blog.



Why didn't I do it earlier.....? hmm... alright, shall strive to do so from now on..

Moody morning..

Why will a good gesture not get you any appreciation?

In all my interations with people, I have always been happy when I managed to help, give a little nudge in their way, give pointers, advise, counselling etc.. but why I don't get it this time round?

Is it because I am asking for too much? Or is a simple word of thanks enough?

What could have made things very sweet was a simple "thank you xxxx".

I guess different people have different views of what appreciation should be.

Oh well.. never mind about that. Shadn't bore you with my sob stories. I am gonna try and inject life into my blog by inserting nice photos! Still can't bring myself to insert photos with me in it (you know lah... internet security is still of a concern) so for now, you will see random photos (which I think are nice) on my blog!

Have a nice day...!

p/s: Cheers to the weekend..

Untitled Post

I will call it untitled post as I don't know what I am going to blab about here.

I am unhappy when you are unreasonable.
I am unahppy when you are unappreciative.
I am unhappy when you raise your voice.
I am unhappy when you argue in "I wanna win" mode.
I am unhappy when you do not take note or take actions on things I have mentioned.
I am unhappy when you feel that my comments are not good enough for you.

I am happy, when you understand what I am trying to get to you.
I am happy, when you realise that I only want to help.
I am happy, when you know that I just want to tell you my feelings, and not pick fights.
I am happy, when you take heed of my advise.
I am happy, when we do not argue.
I am happy, when you are happy.

Quarter Life crisis

Is there such thing as quarter life crisis? A couple of years ago, a few colleagues were discussing about it and I couldn't understand how people so young can have quarter life crisis and what it's all about. Thought only middle age people have mid life crisis!

As I progress further in my career (and age), I slowly came to realise what they mean by having a quarter life crisis. You are in your thirties (or nearing), you are nowhere near where you wanted to be, all those years of dreaming to be rich by thirty or fourty is now haunting you and you suddenly realise, horror of horror, that you might need to work till retirement and still not have enough money to live comfortably after retirement! You begin to "think of the future", probably look for other jobs or look for opportunities to start your own business. That is the problem actually.. when you start to think about this, you start to know that you do not have enough capital to start a business (or you think you do but after doing the maths become incresingly depressed that you are not as well doing as you think you are), but you really do not work for someone anymore.

I am not sure if this is just a passing phase or increasingly becoming a trend. But many of my friends approaching thirties or in their early thirties are not happy with their jobs. I have heard of quite a few who wants to start their own business because they do not want to work for people anymore, they want to be their own boss, dictate their own ways and (drumroll....tada..) become rich. Not as easy as it sounds though, I know some friends running their own business and they are under huge amount of pressures whenever business are slow. Cashflow is a very important word for them..

Sigh... such is the life of a working adult? Is there no way out of this? When can one get out of the rat race and enjoy what they do? I think I am coming to a stage whereby I am willing to forego a higher pay for better quality working life, i.e. get paid less but do something less stressful and have more personal time. Wouldn't you?

Accept Grow-A-Gift & Read Message

Those who are familiar with Facebook will know what accept Grow-A-Gift is. But the surprise was that it came with this poem.
Thought it's a lovely poem sent to me that I couldn't resist posting it up.

I Love you with my pure heart....
I Care for you with all my heart....
I Miss you with my true heart....
I will always love you no matter how hard...
I will always keep my promise to you in my heart...
I will always be there for you my sweet heart....
I live for the reason because you are in my heart...
I wish that these phrases will be forever painted in your heart....

Love,
Abi

p/s: Thanks for sending the poem, Abi..

It has been that long...

Ok, I admit that I have not been updating my blog, which probably explains why I don't even know that I have to login using my Google account! I am ancient dinasour now...!

Sigh...

Boss is not around today and tomorrow, so I am free to blog my thoughts... ha!

Money sucking cabbies!!!

I just came back from lunch with two former colleagues in Bukit Bintang.

I had problems flagging down a cab, so I thought I'd walk and hail one along the way. One eventually stopped but asked for MYR7 outside the former MAS building. I said no as it was less than 5 km away.

So I continued walking, while watching out for cabs but NONE stopped!

My legs were getting tired as you can imagine, I was walking in my heels, and my recent frequent visits to the gym aggravated my already aching legs.

I walked to Shangri-la hotel finally and decided to enlist their concierge's help to get a cab. One cab stopped, hotel staff told him where I wanted to go and he said ok. The moment I got into his cab and closed the door, he said "MYR10 ok?" with a big smiley grin.

"NO WAY!! It is very near!" I exclaimed. He refused to take me so I got down from the cab. If I didn't agree to paying MYR7 15 minutes ago, I am most certainly not going to pay MYR10 for a much nearer distance! The hotel staff were all looking puzzled when I got down from the car.

I waited for another cab at the hotel, and finally this one was willing to take me, and I only paif MYR2.60 for it!! I gave the driver a tip!

Bidding farewell to a loved one

"To my beloved grandmother, you shall forever live in our memories, and you will be sorely missed..."

My grandmother passed away at 0625, 26th October 2006 in General Hospital Ipoh wad 8B.
None of us were by her bedside as it was too early in the morning. Only the Indonesian maid which we hired to look after her was by her bedside during her last moments.

This is something which will haunt me and my eldest cousin for the rest of our lives. You see, we visited her at midnight the night before, and the nurse did tell us that from her experience patients with such symptoms will not lasts either the night or the next day. My cousin wanted to take my grandma home but decided against it later as no doctor was around to sign her letter of release. For me, I was silently rejecting the idea that we were bringing her home to await for death, and I didn't want to face the possibility that my grandmother was leaving us. But at 0630 in the morning, a loud bang on my door jerked me from my sleep, and the next 10 minutes was a daze as we rushed to get dressed and rushed to the hospital.

I was the first one to arrive at her bedside. Both sides of the curtains were drawn, and I will never forget the scene that stopped me in my track. Lying on the bed, was a body wrapped in white. My legs would not move, and my heartbeat dropped at the sight. Tears started to rush down my face as I stared helplessly at my grandma's lifeless body. I did not have the courage to unwrap the white cloth, secretly I was already hating myself for being so late. I suspect that this guilt of not being to send my grandma off will haunt me for a long long time to come..

The funeral was held 2 days later. While we slowly come to reality of my grandma's death, I have to admit that at times I was pretending that she is merely away somewhere to lessen the pain. Sudden gushes of pain and sadness engulfed us for the 2 days. I could not look at my grandma's body, lying in the coffin, without a tear in my eyes.

But, at least, she is no longer suffering. Wherever she is now, I hope she is happy, and know that we will always remember and love her. She was one strong lady, and never have I met another person whose fighting spirit matches hers.

To all my friends and colleagues who sent their condolences, I thank you for your support during this difficult time. The mere effort of reaching out to me during this difficult time meant alot and I thank you sincerely. Here, I am sharing with you all the support I received in the last few days.

"Our dear Almighty God. On this day, You've reminded us that You are in control of things that happened in our lives. We as Your humble children could only pray to You for Your strength and guidance upon our lives. I come before You this day to ask for Your shoulder of comfort to be upon my dear sister, Susan whose grandma has returned to you O Lord. I too ask for Your forgiveness upon her sins and that You'll bless her soul so that she could rest in peace for eternity. May You provide strength to Susan and auntie Monica during this difficult time as they mourn their loss of their beloved grandma and mother. I thank you for each day of our lives and humbly ask for Your love and blessings upon our lives. May Your guardian angel watch over Susan and the rest of the families as they travel on the road to bid farewell to our dearest Po Po. In Jesus name, Amen."
Andrew

"She was a strong lady."
Jassy

"Deepest condolences to you and your family. May God bless her soul and may she rest in peace."
Ben

"I am sorry to hear that your grandmother passed away. Take care."
Dominic

"Our deepest condolence on the demise of your granny. From all your friends at Boustead."
Pat

"Sorry to hear that your grandmother passed away and my deepest sympathy."
Kin Ko

"My deepest condolences to you and your family. May God grant you peace and comfort. Hugs."
Cheryl

"Sorry to hear that. Our condolences to you and family."
Yong CK

"Would like to send my deepest condolence upon hearing your grandmother passed away. My well wishes to you and may your grandmother rest in peace."
KS

"May God strengthen you and your family in this time of loss. With deepest condolences on the demise of your beloved grandma."
Jim

"My condolences on the passing of your grandmother. Take care."
GM

"My condolences to you. Be strong. We are all GOD's creation."
Fariz

"Wishing you hope in the midst of sorrow, Comfort in the midst of pain with heartfelt sympathy."
Sumitha

Thank you.

When your ex calls..

Have you ever been caught off guard by your ex?

My ex called me out of the blue today and asked if I wanted to meet up with rest of the "gang" this Friday.. (thank God I am heading for Bangkok tomorrow... so I have a perfectly good excuse.. :-p)

The only thing is, there is this constant awkward "we are trying to strike up a conversation without feeling awkward" mood when I communicate with exs.

Am just wondering, is it ever possible not to feel awkward to talk to your ex after break ups?

Wobbly legs...

I have been shamed to update my blog...

I better provide some updates...

I went to Batu Caves on Sunday morning to climb the steps there. For what you may ask... well actually I went there to get fit and to train for mountain climbing (if I ever attempt another climb... haha..). So up the stairs I went..

First 100 steps, still manageable, next 100 I can feel my legs getting tired... by the time I get to the top, my legs were ready to give way... Went down the steps in a jiffy and rested for 5 minutes before heading up a second time. The second time was worse, having to stop every now and then to catch my breath and rest my legs.. but still managed to reach the top! I am amazed at my capabilities, despite having not exercised in awhile..

Would you believe that I was crazy enough to climb a third time, my limbs were definitely complaining, and I promised myself that I'd only climb half way. In the end I managed to finish all 3 climbs! I am pretty proud of myself...

Only that.....

2 days after my climb, I am feeling the pain.. my tendons are defying my commands and wobbling whenever I walk down steps.. My small calves are painful... I just hope that the fire drill that building management was talking about does not happen today or tomorrow (*gulp.....)

High on cough syrup...?

It's almost end of a working day.. can't wait...

I caught up with the fasionable flu and cough of this season, and went to the doc during lunch time. The doctor harped on my nasal problem (which I disagree... but will not argue with her). I collected my medicine, and asked the nurse whether the cough mixture will cause drowsiness. She replied, "No, this is mild" Ok, great!

Came back to the office, took my lunch and my medicine. 1 hour later (and still am), I felt funny.. My movements are not very synchronised, and I was very sleepy. My eyelids are heavy as well... the nurse lied to me!!! Can you imagine having to withstand 3 hours of this? I am practically floating on air... just cannot wait to get home and sleep...

Would love to write more, but am not thinking straight right now... this will have to do now.. ta!

A poem return in kind..

I was so moved by his poem, and the turn of recent events prompted me to write this.
Personally, I am quite proud of this poem.
I hope he likes it too.

Dedicated to him

There were a few occasions where I got upset
Because my expectations were not met
Why, I asked myself is he so cold
Towards his once beloved Blue Rose

A few more instances later
Still he act as if I did not matter
Realisation dawned upon me
That he is no longer the same B

Secretly my suspicion grew
But before my intuition tells me it’s true
I turned around, and noticed someone new
She is now the one you want to pursue

From caring and loving to casual acquaintances
It is difficult to adjust under such circumstances
Especially when one is used to 100% attention
And suddenly now it drops to 0% affection

Regrets, I have to admit
There is a tiny little bit
Coupled with the many 'what ifs'
And who you are going to be with

Saddened, upset and disappointed I may be
I have to accept that you will no longer be there for me
My head tells me to continue as good friends
Yet my heart wonders if we can

Torn between my head and my heart
Sometimes the thoughts tear me apart
Should I continue to take part
Or just quietly make a depart

Until such time things become clear
I don’t think I will get too near
In fear that things might get too queer
For both of us, thus I want to make sure

As ironic as what I said may appear
But this much I am certain is sincere
Whatever happens I will be here
For to me you will always be a dear

Yeu va Om
B Sue

A beautiful poem from him to me..

A very dear friend wrote this beautiful poem to me, and I was very touched. It is the most beautiful poem I have ever received and I treasure it very much. I have decided to share it with all of you..

To Susan....

Sleepless nights and lonely days,
Awaiting for you and counting the days,
The passing of time is like eternity,
Missing the warmth that you gave me,

A moment passes not,
Without you in my thoughts,
If you'd only open this heart and see,
The constant longing ache for you in me,

No other girl have come close,
To compare with you, my Blue Rose,
Such intelligence, talent and grace,
With a kind heart and a beautiful face,

Never have I felt this way before,
Not for anyone, nor for ever more,
I want always to show you more,
You're the one person I most adore,

So tell me now and show me how,
To win your heart and make you go "wow!"
There's no one else I would rather want,
None other than Ms. Susan Tan....

I love you, Sue.

No matter wat happened in the past and no Matter what will happen in the future.

Haze filled days

Air conditions in the Klang Valley has deteriorated so much that pedestrians walking with a mask is no longer a rare sight. Even I myself have to keep reminding myself that I am not in Genting Highlands, and the air that I am breathing in is not fresh.

Yes, I am talking about the haze which hit Klang Valley for the past week, the worst being the yesterday and today. Government has declared that schools in KL will be closed for 2 days. Last I heard, Subang airport is closed as visibility dropped below 200m and Shah Alam and Port Kland have been declared to be in state of emergency. To qualify, your Air Pollution Index (API) needs to be above 500. If what my friend forwarded me is true, i.e. KL's API is above 400, then I am secretly wishing that we hit 500 and be given off for tomorrow. I mean, if we are to suffer, might as well be given offday to stay indoor rather than risk our health and go outdoor. 450 and 500 is not alot of difference, and not like if we inhale the air at API450, we are that much healthier.

Of course, if given a choice, I would want the haze to go away.. This haze is the worst I have seen hitting KL in my enire life.

Rain rain don't go away, come if you may everyday, we all need you for work or play...

A world of new vision...

Been meaning to update my blog with the latest thing in my life...
I went for....... Lasik! What is Lasik, I hear some of you ask, well, to put it in simple enough terms, it's vision correction surgery.

I booked my appointment on 14th July, and for 2 weeks before that, I was not allowed to wear contact lenses as they dry out the eyes and may affect results of examination. There I was, feeling like a high school geek all over again for 2 weeks. What's more, all events of imortance e.g. meeting in HQ, deparmental head meeting, parties, sports activities all had to happen during that week. And I got asked the question of why I was wearing specs on a daily basis. All forms of dodging did not work and I had to tell them that I was considering Lasik.

On 14th July, went to the clinic and waited for my turn to do the eye examination. Process will take about 2-3 hours inclusive of consultation. Wasn't really nervous as my cousin did it about 1 year before that, and have heard many other friends doing it too. Went through a series of tests which includes Topometry test, Cornea thickness and others (don't remember them anymore).. 2 hours and about 5 types of eye drops later, the consultant told me "Good news! Your cornea thickness is good enough so you can do Lasik!" That is hardly good news to me as I have expected to be able to do it and walk out of the clinic clear of my specs! Good news would be more like "You are our monthly lucky draw winner and your operation is FOC" That is good news..

Anyway, after I decided to go ahead with the operation, they put some eye drops to dilate my pupils. And off we went to the operating room. Those who played SIM Hospital will know what I mean when I say the operating room looks exactly like that. Lying on the operating table, I was as calmed as I can be, trying not to fidget nor think about what is about to happen.

I shall not go into details of what the procedure was like. To summarise, they cut my cornea flap open, reshape my cornea using laser (i.e. burn off some cells) so that light can refocus, clean the wound, tip the flap back and voila! Done for one eye, rest for 30 seconds, and it's the other eye's turn. Whole procedure ended in 20 minutes. The moment I stood up and looked through my hazy but clear vision, it was like "wow!" 20 minutes and I am rid of contact lenses and glasses! How wonderful is that? The initial day after the surgery was a bit uncomfortable as your eyes tend to get tired very easily, teary and sensitive to light. But take 2 days of rest and you will be fine. I was driving on my third day! The feeling is like wearing contact lenses all the time, without the hassle of solutions, saline, lenses complications, glasses and others... when I travel now I just love the feeling of not having to remember to bring extra pair of lenses, casing, glasses and all! It is indescribable.. for those who are lucky enough not needing to wear glasses, you will not truly understand how liberating this is.. but it is a marvellous feeling. I would recommend it to anyone who wants to rid of their "inconvenience". Although few thousand dollars poorer, I have not regretted it for 1 second. 2 weeks of inconvenience and couple of thousand is definitely worth it...!

Oh, for those who are curious to know whether I blinked or how I managed not to blinked, do not worry, you have no chance to blink. Nothing some scotch tape, stickers and "eye-jack" wouldn't fixed.. haha...!

Chatroom lingos

When I was younger, I used to IRC... so I know the lingos used in chatrooms.. but nowadays it has become so complicated.. ok fine, so I maybe outta touch with the lingo because.... (if you are thinking what I am refusing to say here.. don't say it...)

Anyway, read the newspaper today and it is so interesting the amount of abbreviations they have nowadays.. I gotta share this.. and I thought only airlines have alot of abbreviations...

PITA - Pain in the a**
POTS - Parents/ Partner over the shoulder
SOS - Same old stuff
GAL - Get a Life
KIT - Keep In touch
IMHO - In my humble opinion
LSHMBB - Laughing so hard my belly's bouncing
LTNS - Long time no see
AAK - Alive and kicking
TCOB - Taking care of business
SETE - Smiling from ear to ear
WB - Welcome back
BBL - Be back later
BRB - Be right back
TOY - Thinking of you
H&K - Hugs and kisses
CSG - Chuckle, Snciker, Grin
GMTA - Great minds think alike (although I was thinking along the line of Give Me The Answer)
PMFJI - Pardon me for jumping in
DIKU - Do I know you
IAC - In any case
HHIS - Hangs head in shame
BEG - Big Evil Grin
DIS - Did I say...
TYT - Take your time
IGP - I gotta pee
IRL - In real life

Goodness.. how many did you correctly "decode"?

A friend recently took up a challenge of writing a story using all the abbreviations given by another, and the list has more than 50 abbreviations. He managed to come up with a story that made sense...! I thought it was brilliant!

If anyone wants to try, they can. Use the above and come up with a story?

I am thankful...

Have you ever encountered a really bad week at work? It is so bad that you leaving home every night feeling lethargic, and drag your feet to work the next day, only to look forward to going home the moment you step into office? You feel that your energy is sapped by an invisible force and you are not motivated to do anything? Well, this week I did.

It is so bad that I am constantly lost in my own thoughts, and walk in a daze.. I do not know what happened and what caused me to feel this way, but I wish that I can snap out of it soon.

During moments of soul searching, I pondered and whined about it and felt down. Until this morning...

I was driving to work, and crawling in line to get past this stretch of road on my way to work, and I looked away for 2 seconds, next thing I knew, I felt my whole car shake and realised that I hit the car in front. The realisation was so great that I was stunned for awhile. I did not know how to react, The car in front stopped to examine his car. Fortunately it was only minor scratches and paints coming off.. he did not pursue the matter and continued his journey. I was too shaken up to do anything but to continue my drive to office, thie time being extra careful that I stay away from the car in front. Secretly, I am angry with myself for this incident as it was totally my fault, and I could have avoided it. But because of my carelessness it happened. I feel really bad about this.

I examined my car when I reached my office, and thankfully it was also minor scratches to my car. I would be very hard on myself if anything serious happened.

Hours later, I read a forwarded email by a friend. It was an email on being thankful for what you have. We received forward emails like this on a daily basis, and I usually forward it on. But today it struck a chord in my heart. Although still in my lousy mood (which I have had for the whole week), I began to realise that I had more to be thankful for than being sulky.

I mean, I could have been killed in a car accident, or injured. The other car could have been badly damaged, or mine. The owner of the other car could have been a road bully or someone nasty. I could have been late for work. None of that happened. The driver left without asking for any compensation and no serious damage was done to my car and I made it to work in my usual time! I did not take all of those into account and neither did I realised how blessed I was. Something could have gone terribly wrong!

I guess I am just trying to pull myself out of this self wallowing and down mood that I am in. I am feeling slightly better but it is not enough to lift me out of this rut.. I am also thankful that weekend is near so hopefully I will recover to my normal cheerful self. I am not used to myself being like this.

The general feeling is that I need a getaway (but I just came back from one 2 months ago).. A friend say that I am burnt out, or having quarter life crisis. I don't know, perhaps..

The Power of Human Touch..

Someone once told me to try this experiment:

" If you do not come into any physical contact with human being, or remain 'untouched' for 24 hours, you'd become highly irritable". Apparently it's quite true. I have tried it myself, well can't say I survived the full 24 hours, but I sure was easily annoyed on that day.

My conclusion - there is something very powerful in human touch that keeps you sane and emotionally healthy.

Why don't you try it and tell me?

Riinnnngggggg..........!

What is the most unfriendly sound in the whole wide world every morning..?

My alarm clock going off.. signalling me to leave the comfort my bed and pillows and get ready for work.. whoever invented alarm clocks and handphones with that feature should be severely punished.....!

Hello again..

Hi..

Sorry.. I know I have not been updating my blog for a looooooonnnggggg time..
I offer no excuses except that I was incredibly busy and tied up with work and activities.

I do have events or incidents that I want to share with you but have no time to update my blog.
Bear with me, they are coming shortly.. I promise

Significance of dreams..

We sometimes dream when we sleep.. but we often don't remember all our dreams when we wake up.. some say dream is a representation of what is important to you, some say it is a reflection of your innerself, some say it is a prediction of future, some don't believe in any of it..

When I was young, I always dream the same dream.. I dream that I was in a white room, being chased by a giant "roll" of threads.. it's always the same dream, I do not know the symbolic meaning of it, and still do not know although the dream has stopped occuring. Often, in magazines or articles whereby objects or events in dreams are interpreted, I cannot find one for my dream. It would be nice to know what my dream meant..

Another dream which always haunt me is a dream of the ground I am walking on suddenly starts to collapse.. it was a dream that often came into play when I was sick, esp fever. I would dream that I was standing on a balcony and it gave way and I start to fall, or I was walking across a pedestrian bridge and it collapsed all of a sudden... either way I would jerked up from my sleep...

But as I grow older, these dreams slowly disappeared.. I still dream, but I can never remember much about them..

Had a terrible day at work?

We all have bad days at work, don't we?

You must have encountered some bad days at work before, you know, those that drive you nuts, makes you wanna walk into your GM's office and tell him that you quit?

Well, I've had a terrible week at work.. (thank God it's Friday, almost thought that Friday wouldn't come). I have tried many a times to pen down my thoughts when I am frustrated at work but it never seem to work. Either I am too frustrated or too occupied wth work to write my blog.. when I am finally free (usually after work or weekends), I don't feel like dwelling into my memory bank for those frustrating moments again, just to write my blog..

Someone told me that there is no such thing as a terrible/ horrible day at work. He maintains that it is all in one's mind. To a certain exent this is true, but I maintain that there are worse days than others. Recently, I am feeling it more than ever.. I don't know if it's a sign that I am not enjoying my job anymore, or is it just a passing phase.. I am still trying to determine.

To quote a friend, "If you enjoy your work you do not have to work a day in your life.."

Ironies...

Pondering over some thoughts... maybe you have answers?

Why does it always rain when you are wearing your favourite shoes/ dress?
Why does it always rain when I do not drive to work/ forget my umbrella?
Why does the phone never ring when you want it to?
Why does the phone always ring the moment you step away from your desk/ when you shower?
Why the person that you secretly hope will call never will, but others whom you don't want to always will?
Why do all appointments fall on the same day, as if they know that that's the only day in the week which I am fully occupied?
When you are really busy and feel that it can't get any busier, it always will..
When you are really free and want to look for some activities, either all your friends are occupied or you have no where to go..

I have quite a few other whys as well.. but don't feel like putting them down, how about you? Do you have any ironies to share?

Gotta run..

Happy New Year..!

Happy New Year to all...! It's now 2005..

Don't people always have resolutions for the new year? Though we never fulfill half of them, I suppose it's still nice to have a goal. and a yardstick to measure what we failed to accomplish (yet again) in a year... Well, instead of having big resolutions this year, think I'll just have small baby ones to accomplish.. If you share the same interest/ resolutions, drop me a note.. maybe we can plan some of the activities together?

My 2005 Resolutions (actually it's more like things to accomplish) in 2005)
1) Learn to cook fried rice like my grandma
2) Bake more often (think lasagne, cookies, cakes..)
3) Go to gym at least once a week
4) Make new friends (a whole lot more)
5) Seriously consider a career move
6) Join salsa class (or ballroom dancing)
7) Spend more time with my family
8) Try a new eatery every month
9) Go swimming (can't remember the last time I swam)
10) Visit my friends in other countries
11) Practice singing on high notes (for karaoke sessions.. hehe)
12) Be less emotional
13) Worry less
14) Say sorry when I am wrong and mean it
15) Learn my way around KL (so I don't get lost so often..!)
16) Sort out my wardrobe
17) Remember my friends' birthdays (ok.. so I left out a few this year..)
18) Be less temperamental and stubborn
19) Stay in touch with friends
20) Learning to stop trying for things which will not work out
21) Love myself (and protect my heart)
22) Inject more positive thoughts and flush out the negative ones
23) Learn to accept and adapt
24) Tell those that I love, I love them (we never do this enough..)
25) Embrace the unknown

Here's wishing everyone a happy year ahead.. may your year be filled with luck, love, joy.. and much more...

A blog everyday?

I was recently "reprimanded" for not updating my blog often enough.. one friend commented that it was boring because I don't update it enough, and another.. well she just mentioned that I should update it everyday with short stories of my life, if I have nothing else to say.. I didn't even know people come to my blog so often to read.. ok ok.. I'll try.

Have you ever had to work without your left/ right hand man? I am in that position now. My secretary is on leave till nxt year, and so are my two other colleagues. I am basically running the show alone in the office. Being new in this department does not help, I can't find half the stuff I'm supposed to so I am keeping everything under the heading "pending". In days like these, I pray that nothing serious happens because I have no one around me to ask/ refer to.

Maybe some of you do not have the luxury of having a secretary. I didn't use to have one till I moved to this department 4 months ago. Well, having a secretary is a good and bad thing.. the good thing is she sorts all my mails, organise things for me. My task is basically to read, decide and delegate. But now, I have to sort, organise, read, decide and action. Workload becomes threefold when my other colleague is not around too. I sometimes wonder why do I allow this to happen? The bad thing about having a secretary.. well she reminds you of everything that you need to do. She will not let you forget things that you do not want to do (but supposed to), and she's the one who brings in tonnes of paperwork for me to clear. When she is not around, I I can leave for home earlier so sometimes I do wish that she goes on leave (but not long leave).. hehe..
That's my thought for the day..

Christmas

I love the feeling of Christmas.. actually I think I love the feeling of pre-Christmas better than Christmas itself.

Weeks before Christmas, retail shops, malls and streets will be litted with colourful decorations. I have always wondered why does Christmas bring this funny and fuzzy feeling.. everywhere you go, everybody seem to be doing last minute shopping, gift wrapping counters are jam packed with people queuing up.. everywhere you go, people are humming christmas songs..

Let's see, what do I like about Christmas:
-it's celebrated by all
-the season to bury the hatchet and forgive
-the time for family bonding
-an occasion to dress up
-an occasion to buy christmas presents and see how normal items transform into pretty boxes with decorations
-an occasion to receive presents
-christmas feast (think turkey, cranberry sauce, logcakes.. )
-beautifully decorated christmas items everywhere (malls, streets, shops, individual residences)
-merry christmas jingles (which everyone seems to know)
-an occasion to party

For me, Christmas this year will be quiet. I have not lined up any activities for it. Come what may, I think I will just have a quiet Christmas this year, for a change. But, not before I make my colleagues sing Christmas carols today.. hehe.. this should be fun.

Merry Christmas everybody!

Falling in Love..

No, this blog is not about me falling in love.. don't be mislead by the title.. sorry to disappoint you guys, no juicy bits to tell here..

I was looking through some stuff and I stumbled upon this letter printed out by a friend to me many years ago. At the time I was mending a broken heart and she thought it might help. It did, and I just want to share this with all the people whose heart had been broken at least once in their life.. I think it is very meaningful and I hope you like it too.

Extracts from the book "Letters to my Son" by Ken Nerburn

It is a mystery why we fall in love
It is a mystery how it happens
It is a myestery when it comes
It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a myestery why some love fails

You can analyse this mystery and look for reasons and causes , but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience

Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share

And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its way

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share

More often it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on

When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely moves away

When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try deperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on

They want answers where there is no answers

They want t know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different , love would bloom again

They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together their love will grow

They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery

You need to know this about love, and to accept it
You need to treat what is brings you with kindness

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you be gentle with yourself
There is nothing wrong with you
Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart

If you find someone else in love with you but you don't love him, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return

Do not take advantage and do not cause pain
How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different

If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame

Let it go
There is a reason and there is a meaning
You will know in time

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you
All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life
Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you
Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit
Give it to the world around you in any way you can
This is where many lovers go wrong
Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need
They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing teir love as a need They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love
They forget that the secret to love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away

Remember this, and keep it to your heart
Love has its own time, its own seasons and its own reasons for coming and going
You cannot bride it or coerce it, or reason it into staying
You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you
But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do

Love always has been and always will be a mystery
Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life
IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN IT WILL COME AGAIN...