A poem return in kind..

I was so moved by his poem, and the turn of recent events prompted me to write this.
Personally, I am quite proud of this poem.
I hope he likes it too.

Dedicated to him

There were a few occasions where I got upset
Because my expectations were not met
Why, I asked myself is he so cold
Towards his once beloved Blue Rose

A few more instances later
Still he act as if I did not matter
Realisation dawned upon me
That he is no longer the same B

Secretly my suspicion grew
But before my intuition tells me it’s true
I turned around, and noticed someone new
She is now the one you want to pursue

From caring and loving to casual acquaintances
It is difficult to adjust under such circumstances
Especially when one is used to 100% attention
And suddenly now it drops to 0% affection

Regrets, I have to admit
There is a tiny little bit
Coupled with the many 'what ifs'
And who you are going to be with

Saddened, upset and disappointed I may be
I have to accept that you will no longer be there for me
My head tells me to continue as good friends
Yet my heart wonders if we can

Torn between my head and my heart
Sometimes the thoughts tear me apart
Should I continue to take part
Or just quietly make a depart

Until such time things become clear
I don’t think I will get too near
In fear that things might get too queer
For both of us, thus I want to make sure

As ironic as what I said may appear
But this much I am certain is sincere
Whatever happens I will be here
For to me you will always be a dear

Yeu va Om
B Sue

A beautiful poem from him to me..

A very dear friend wrote this beautiful poem to me, and I was very touched. It is the most beautiful poem I have ever received and I treasure it very much. I have decided to share it with all of you..

To Susan....

Sleepless nights and lonely days,
Awaiting for you and counting the days,
The passing of time is like eternity,
Missing the warmth that you gave me,

A moment passes not,
Without you in my thoughts,
If you'd only open this heart and see,
The constant longing ache for you in me,

No other girl have come close,
To compare with you, my Blue Rose,
Such intelligence, talent and grace,
With a kind heart and a beautiful face,

Never have I felt this way before,
Not for anyone, nor for ever more,
I want always to show you more,
You're the one person I most adore,

So tell me now and show me how,
To win your heart and make you go "wow!"
There's no one else I would rather want,
None other than Ms. Susan Tan....

I love you, Sue.

No matter wat happened in the past and no Matter what will happen in the future.

Haze filled days

Air conditions in the Klang Valley has deteriorated so much that pedestrians walking with a mask is no longer a rare sight. Even I myself have to keep reminding myself that I am not in Genting Highlands, and the air that I am breathing in is not fresh.

Yes, I am talking about the haze which hit Klang Valley for the past week, the worst being the yesterday and today. Government has declared that schools in KL will be closed for 2 days. Last I heard, Subang airport is closed as visibility dropped below 200m and Shah Alam and Port Kland have been declared to be in state of emergency. To qualify, your Air Pollution Index (API) needs to be above 500. If what my friend forwarded me is true, i.e. KL's API is above 400, then I am secretly wishing that we hit 500 and be given off for tomorrow. I mean, if we are to suffer, might as well be given offday to stay indoor rather than risk our health and go outdoor. 450 and 500 is not alot of difference, and not like if we inhale the air at API450, we are that much healthier.

Of course, if given a choice, I would want the haze to go away.. This haze is the worst I have seen hitting KL in my enire life.

Rain rain don't go away, come if you may everyday, we all need you for work or play...

A world of new vision...

Been meaning to update my blog with the latest thing in my life...
I went for....... Lasik! What is Lasik, I hear some of you ask, well, to put it in simple enough terms, it's vision correction surgery.

I booked my appointment on 14th July, and for 2 weeks before that, I was not allowed to wear contact lenses as they dry out the eyes and may affect results of examination. There I was, feeling like a high school geek all over again for 2 weeks. What's more, all events of imortance e.g. meeting in HQ, deparmental head meeting, parties, sports activities all had to happen during that week. And I got asked the question of why I was wearing specs on a daily basis. All forms of dodging did not work and I had to tell them that I was considering Lasik.

On 14th July, went to the clinic and waited for my turn to do the eye examination. Process will take about 2-3 hours inclusive of consultation. Wasn't really nervous as my cousin did it about 1 year before that, and have heard many other friends doing it too. Went through a series of tests which includes Topometry test, Cornea thickness and others (don't remember them anymore).. 2 hours and about 5 types of eye drops later, the consultant told me "Good news! Your cornea thickness is good enough so you can do Lasik!" That is hardly good news to me as I have expected to be able to do it and walk out of the clinic clear of my specs! Good news would be more like "You are our monthly lucky draw winner and your operation is FOC" That is good news..

Anyway, after I decided to go ahead with the operation, they put some eye drops to dilate my pupils. And off we went to the operating room. Those who played SIM Hospital will know what I mean when I say the operating room looks exactly like that. Lying on the operating table, I was as calmed as I can be, trying not to fidget nor think about what is about to happen.

I shall not go into details of what the procedure was like. To summarise, they cut my cornea flap open, reshape my cornea using laser (i.e. burn off some cells) so that light can refocus, clean the wound, tip the flap back and voila! Done for one eye, rest for 30 seconds, and it's the other eye's turn. Whole procedure ended in 20 minutes. The moment I stood up and looked through my hazy but clear vision, it was like "wow!" 20 minutes and I am rid of contact lenses and glasses! How wonderful is that? The initial day after the surgery was a bit uncomfortable as your eyes tend to get tired very easily, teary and sensitive to light. But take 2 days of rest and you will be fine. I was driving on my third day! The feeling is like wearing contact lenses all the time, without the hassle of solutions, saline, lenses complications, glasses and others... when I travel now I just love the feeling of not having to remember to bring extra pair of lenses, casing, glasses and all! It is indescribable.. for those who are lucky enough not needing to wear glasses, you will not truly understand how liberating this is.. but it is a marvellous feeling. I would recommend it to anyone who wants to rid of their "inconvenience". Although few thousand dollars poorer, I have not regretted it for 1 second. 2 weeks of inconvenience and couple of thousand is definitely worth it...!

Oh, for those who are curious to know whether I blinked or how I managed not to blinked, do not worry, you have no chance to blink. Nothing some scotch tape, stickers and "eye-jack" wouldn't fixed.. haha...!

Chatroom lingos

When I was younger, I used to IRC... so I know the lingos used in chatrooms.. but nowadays it has become so complicated.. ok fine, so I maybe outta touch with the lingo because.... (if you are thinking what I am refusing to say here.. don't say it...)

Anyway, read the newspaper today and it is so interesting the amount of abbreviations they have nowadays.. I gotta share this.. and I thought only airlines have alot of abbreviations...

PITA - Pain in the a**
POTS - Parents/ Partner over the shoulder
SOS - Same old stuff
GAL - Get a Life
KIT - Keep In touch
IMHO - In my humble opinion
LSHMBB - Laughing so hard my belly's bouncing
LTNS - Long time no see
AAK - Alive and kicking
TCOB - Taking care of business
SETE - Smiling from ear to ear
WB - Welcome back
BBL - Be back later
BRB - Be right back
TOY - Thinking of you
H&K - Hugs and kisses
CSG - Chuckle, Snciker, Grin
GMTA - Great minds think alike (although I was thinking along the line of Give Me The Answer)
PMFJI - Pardon me for jumping in
DIKU - Do I know you
IAC - In any case
HHIS - Hangs head in shame
BEG - Big Evil Grin
DIS - Did I say...
TYT - Take your time
IGP - I gotta pee
IRL - In real life

Goodness.. how many did you correctly "decode"?

A friend recently took up a challenge of writing a story using all the abbreviations given by another, and the list has more than 50 abbreviations. He managed to come up with a story that made sense...! I thought it was brilliant!

If anyone wants to try, they can. Use the above and come up with a story?

I am thankful...

Have you ever encountered a really bad week at work? It is so bad that you leaving home every night feeling lethargic, and drag your feet to work the next day, only to look forward to going home the moment you step into office? You feel that your energy is sapped by an invisible force and you are not motivated to do anything? Well, this week I did.

It is so bad that I am constantly lost in my own thoughts, and walk in a daze.. I do not know what happened and what caused me to feel this way, but I wish that I can snap out of it soon.

During moments of soul searching, I pondered and whined about it and felt down. Until this morning...

I was driving to work, and crawling in line to get past this stretch of road on my way to work, and I looked away for 2 seconds, next thing I knew, I felt my whole car shake and realised that I hit the car in front. The realisation was so great that I was stunned for awhile. I did not know how to react, The car in front stopped to examine his car. Fortunately it was only minor scratches and paints coming off.. he did not pursue the matter and continued his journey. I was too shaken up to do anything but to continue my drive to office, thie time being extra careful that I stay away from the car in front. Secretly, I am angry with myself for this incident as it was totally my fault, and I could have avoided it. But because of my carelessness it happened. I feel really bad about this.

I examined my car when I reached my office, and thankfully it was also minor scratches to my car. I would be very hard on myself if anything serious happened.

Hours later, I read a forwarded email by a friend. It was an email on being thankful for what you have. We received forward emails like this on a daily basis, and I usually forward it on. But today it struck a chord in my heart. Although still in my lousy mood (which I have had for the whole week), I began to realise that I had more to be thankful for than being sulky.

I mean, I could have been killed in a car accident, or injured. The other car could have been badly damaged, or mine. The owner of the other car could have been a road bully or someone nasty. I could have been late for work. None of that happened. The driver left without asking for any compensation and no serious damage was done to my car and I made it to work in my usual time! I did not take all of those into account and neither did I realised how blessed I was. Something could have gone terribly wrong!

I guess I am just trying to pull myself out of this self wallowing and down mood that I am in. I am feeling slightly better but it is not enough to lift me out of this rut.. I am also thankful that weekend is near so hopefully I will recover to my normal cheerful self. I am not used to myself being like this.

The general feeling is that I need a getaway (but I just came back from one 2 months ago).. A friend say that I am burnt out, or having quarter life crisis. I don't know, perhaps..

The Power of Human Touch..

Someone once told me to try this experiment:

" If you do not come into any physical contact with human being, or remain 'untouched' for 24 hours, you'd become highly irritable". Apparently it's quite true. I have tried it myself, well can't say I survived the full 24 hours, but I sure was easily annoyed on that day.

My conclusion - there is something very powerful in human touch that keeps you sane and emotionally healthy.

Why don't you try it and tell me?

Riinnnngggggg..........!

What is the most unfriendly sound in the whole wide world every morning..?

My alarm clock going off.. signalling me to leave the comfort my bed and pillows and get ready for work.. whoever invented alarm clocks and handphones with that feature should be severely punished.....!

Hello again..

Hi..

Sorry.. I know I have not been updating my blog for a looooooonnnggggg time..
I offer no excuses except that I was incredibly busy and tied up with work and activities.

I do have events or incidents that I want to share with you but have no time to update my blog.
Bear with me, they are coming shortly.. I promise

Significance of dreams..

We sometimes dream when we sleep.. but we often don't remember all our dreams when we wake up.. some say dream is a representation of what is important to you, some say it is a reflection of your innerself, some say it is a prediction of future, some don't believe in any of it..

When I was young, I always dream the same dream.. I dream that I was in a white room, being chased by a giant "roll" of threads.. it's always the same dream, I do not know the symbolic meaning of it, and still do not know although the dream has stopped occuring. Often, in magazines or articles whereby objects or events in dreams are interpreted, I cannot find one for my dream. It would be nice to know what my dream meant..

Another dream which always haunt me is a dream of the ground I am walking on suddenly starts to collapse.. it was a dream that often came into play when I was sick, esp fever. I would dream that I was standing on a balcony and it gave way and I start to fall, or I was walking across a pedestrian bridge and it collapsed all of a sudden... either way I would jerked up from my sleep...

But as I grow older, these dreams slowly disappeared.. I still dream, but I can never remember much about them..

Had a terrible day at work?

We all have bad days at work, don't we?

You must have encountered some bad days at work before, you know, those that drive you nuts, makes you wanna walk into your GM's office and tell him that you quit?

Well, I've had a terrible week at work.. (thank God it's Friday, almost thought that Friday wouldn't come). I have tried many a times to pen down my thoughts when I am frustrated at work but it never seem to work. Either I am too frustrated or too occupied wth work to write my blog.. when I am finally free (usually after work or weekends), I don't feel like dwelling into my memory bank for those frustrating moments again, just to write my blog..

Someone told me that there is no such thing as a terrible/ horrible day at work. He maintains that it is all in one's mind. To a certain exent this is true, but I maintain that there are worse days than others. Recently, I am feeling it more than ever.. I don't know if it's a sign that I am not enjoying my job anymore, or is it just a passing phase.. I am still trying to determine.

To quote a friend, "If you enjoy your work you do not have to work a day in your life.."

Ironies...

Pondering over some thoughts... maybe you have answers?

Why does it always rain when you are wearing your favourite shoes/ dress?
Why does it always rain when I do not drive to work/ forget my umbrella?
Why does the phone never ring when you want it to?
Why does the phone always ring the moment you step away from your desk/ when you shower?
Why the person that you secretly hope will call never will, but others whom you don't want to always will?
Why do all appointments fall on the same day, as if they know that that's the only day in the week which I am fully occupied?
When you are really busy and feel that it can't get any busier, it always will..
When you are really free and want to look for some activities, either all your friends are occupied or you have no where to go..

I have quite a few other whys as well.. but don't feel like putting them down, how about you? Do you have any ironies to share?

Gotta run..

Happy New Year..!

Happy New Year to all...! It's now 2005..

Don't people always have resolutions for the new year? Though we never fulfill half of them, I suppose it's still nice to have a goal. and a yardstick to measure what we failed to accomplish (yet again) in a year... Well, instead of having big resolutions this year, think I'll just have small baby ones to accomplish.. If you share the same interest/ resolutions, drop me a note.. maybe we can plan some of the activities together?

My 2005 Resolutions (actually it's more like things to accomplish) in 2005)
1) Learn to cook fried rice like my grandma
2) Bake more often (think lasagne, cookies, cakes..)
3) Go to gym at least once a week
4) Make new friends (a whole lot more)
5) Seriously consider a career move
6) Join salsa class (or ballroom dancing)
7) Spend more time with my family
8) Try a new eatery every month
9) Go swimming (can't remember the last time I swam)
10) Visit my friends in other countries
11) Practice singing on high notes (for karaoke sessions.. hehe)
12) Be less emotional
13) Worry less
14) Say sorry when I am wrong and mean it
15) Learn my way around KL (so I don't get lost so often..!)
16) Sort out my wardrobe
17) Remember my friends' birthdays (ok.. so I left out a few this year..)
18) Be less temperamental and stubborn
19) Stay in touch with friends
20) Learning to stop trying for things which will not work out
21) Love myself (and protect my heart)
22) Inject more positive thoughts and flush out the negative ones
23) Learn to accept and adapt
24) Tell those that I love, I love them (we never do this enough..)
25) Embrace the unknown

Here's wishing everyone a happy year ahead.. may your year be filled with luck, love, joy.. and much more...