A new chapter...

I have decided to start a new blog for Evonne, so any updates pertaining to my little princess will all be updated there.

This is so that my blog can still remain as my personal blog, dedicated to anything that I want to express, while Evonne's growing up journey deserve a blog by itself.

Just that I will have even lesser time trying to update both blogs.. well.. I try...

Oh yes, if you want to follow Evonne's journey, feel free to drop by...

www.evonne-lam.blogspot.com

A search for the lost me...

Through recent conversations with some close friends, I have slowly discovered that, in trying to please everyone, and in trying hard to fit it, I have done no one good. I have lost myself, I don't know who I am anymore, and I am definitely not happy. Not like anyone is happy, for that matter..

I have learnt to harbour things, and to keep quiet.. because there was no point bringing things up, it had always made matters worse... The aggressive and loudspoken me that once was, is now no longer in sight... A friend remarked that I am so different from school days, and she knew that I would have left all behind if the same thing happened back then.

Yes, I am no longer the old me, and I do not like the new me. If I have to, I would rather be the old me. Yes, I know I can choose to become the old me again, because life is short and I should try to live it and be happy while I am still here. Trying to please everyone is as sure as pleasing no one, that is so true but I cannot bring myself not to try and please them, and I often forget this saying too..

Yeah, I hardly have any social life anymore.. In fact, I do not remember when was the last time hubby and I went out for a nice dinner. My days are so routine now that I don't even get to go out... So bored of my current lifestyle... bored, and tired, and sian... and irritated, frustrated and unhappy... feel like leaving everything behind.. because there seems to be no way out of this but to end it. Maybe being cruel for once will be good for everyone..

Right, you have a lot of work to do..

I am in a bad mood today, bad working day.. because someone, or rather someone in a particular department at work pissed me off.

Summary of story, I did a presentation last week to stakeholders of my project, and one of them indicated that my calculation is wrong, and she will work out the calculation and let me know. So I chased her for it this week, and she got her boss and her boss' boss involved in this. In their email, all they have to say is that they are very busy, they have other things to do, and ask me to get off their back, and let them do their things. I should do the calculation on my own, and pass my calculations to them. The simple enquiry of when we can meet, and when can she pass me the calculation became a long series of emails asking me to get off their back, cc-ing everyone's boss.

Right, your department is very busy, and only your department has alot of initiatves, the rest of us are just walking around, shaking legs and waiting for our pay at the end of every month. That would be nice...

SPAM comments

For quite awhile now, I have had to manually delete some of the SPAM comments that are appearing on my blog. It is always the same few piece that will attract the SPAM comments, I don't know why...

This is getting annoying because I have to go in and manually delete the comments everytime they appear. Can blogger.com do something about this?

解脱

爱是不夜城
回忆像星辰
热泪越沸腾
我却感觉有点冷
。
。
。
。
。
想若结局一样
又何苦再想
想若让人成长
我为什么帕分手的伤

解脱，是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走我有自由好好过

解脱， 是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个梦

心里有一种渴望勇敢的念头
不要爱我的人再担心我

I love this song, not only because of the lyrics, but also because it holds special meaning to me.

More photo editing..

Haha... addicted with photo editing for the moment, this is another photo that I really like...

Experimenting with photo editing software

Right... now, how do I do this? Never mind, let's try it out. I have been playing around with photo editing software of late.. like all mothers, am trying to create nice collage of my baby princess.. unfortunately I discovered that using my normal digital camera, there's quite alot of noise in most of my photographs so I don't really have a prize piece to share. But I am making the most of what I have right now.. this is one of the photos that I have edited with effects, and decided to blog it, and share her photo with you.

I am quite tempted to buy a DSLR now... sigh... but will it be cumbersome to learn DSLR and to carry around? Er.. will we have too many cameras in the house? Do we need it? But if I have any intention of getting one, I should get it soon because my baby girl is growing up so fast, and her features and face is changing constantly, I really do not want to miss moments of her growing up.. would like to capture all of it if possible. I only knew how much she has grown when I looked back at her birth pictures..

Baby Evonne..., mummy loves you!

Offbeat stories that tickled us pink

I read with amusement over some of the following when I read today's Star newspaper. i tried looking for the link but couldn't find it online, so I am copying some of it and reproducing it here:

>> Anti-corruption officials in the Nepalese capital Kathmandu found a way to literally stop airport workers from pocketing bribes. They issued them with pocketless trousers. :-)

>> A Norwegian man landed himself in hot water when police caught him having sex with his girlfriend as he raced at over 130km an hour through a 100kph zone on a highway near Oslo. ;-)

>> Old technology came to the aid of the new in a Brazilian prison, when guards found that inmates were getting mobile phones flown in to them strapped to carrier pigeons. :-D

>> An 11-month old boy accidentally dialled an emergency number while playing with a house telephone in the Canadian province of Brither Columbia. When police arrived, they arredted his father, who was growing marijuana plants in his home. :-p

>> Farmers who pay individual attention to their cows, notably by giving them names, are rewarded with higher milk production, a team in Newscastle University in England said, quoting the results of a poll. :-o

>> Tired of seeing his parishioners give weird and wonderful names to their offspring, a Catholic priest in Croatia offered monetary rewards worth around EUR135 (MYR667) to anyone who chose good old fashioned monikers such as Lana, Petra, Luka or Karlo. :-D

Well... I hope you had a good laugh after reading this blog.. :-)

Verdict of Success & Happiness Day 1

Ok, yesterday I said I was gonna follow what Andre Matthews said about Success and Happiness, which is to look for GOOD things in every situation for 24 hours.

Well, sad to say, I failed. I distinctly remember failing on at least 3 occassions, and I only realised my mistake after I became annoyed and agitated. Bad habits are hard to change, sigh.. should I try another day?

When I tried to follow the 24 hour strategy, I came across numerous situation where I contemplated what to do and feel... for example does looking for good things in every situation equal to giving in in all situations? Does it mean I have to swallow every incident that happens and take everything as it comes? Or am I allowed to have my normal feelings and reaction but try to look at the positive side of things, i.e. eventhough I am unhappy with the situation, try to look for the silver lining in each situation?

Day 2 lesson is sitting in my inbox but I have not read it yet. I think I should continue with the 24 hour challenge until I succeed. If one can always look at things from a positive angle, one should most definitely feel happier, isn't it?

Success & Happiness

I have always liked books by Andrew Matthews, in fact I think I have almost all his books, and have at least read them twice.

I like how it is easy to read and understand, and of course I believe what he says make perfect sense.. I went in search for his website today, and noticed that he has this Free 7 days to Greater Happiness email course and signed up for it. Not because I am unhappy, but because I want to be happier. For those who have ever been unhapppy, or are depressed right now, do sign up for it, or better still go buy his books and read them, I am sure you will feel and think differently after that.

Well, anyway, I have just received the Day 1 newsletter, and it is to "Look for GOOD things", and my mission for the next 24 hours is to look for GOOD things in every situation that I am in. No negative comments, only look for good and positive things in all the situation that I am in.

Sounds interesting, and I always like a good challenge.. so yes I am ON for the challenge! Will let you know how it goes tomorrow, and whether I feel any different by thinking GOOD...

Watch this space....!

My Precious

Time flies, in a blink of an eye, my baby is already 6 weeks old...

You can literally see her "grow" vertically, she is longer now and heavier too, though I don't see her putting on much weight.

It is a joy to see her smile, I even like it when she cries... hehe.. guess every mum feels the same way. I eagerly awaits the day when she is able to call me "mummy".. hmm.. when will that day come?

鸡和鸭讲

公说公有理，婆说婆有理，但是起码婆肯听公的道理， 公却从不听婆的理由， 还强词夺理， 但你却拿他没办法因为你说不赢他。所有的不开心唯有闷在心里。闷闷不乐的心情又有谁懂？

别认为我说的是孩子话或开玩笑， 当忍无可忍的时候，我就不会再忍了。到时才来觉悟， 已经后悔莫及了。

Conspiracy Theory related to Confinement

I just thought of a theory, and am beginning to be more convinced about it the more I think of it..

Confinement period is a conspiracy thought up by someone or some group (must be by a male because they don't have to go through this, either that or some lunatic woman) to help/ force/ aid her in losing off all the pregnancy weight. If you are going " what......?" hahaha read on first..

Theory & Hypothesis: Confinement rituals make you feel miserable, and when you feel miserable you eat less, or have less appetite to eat other food, you lose weight.

Evidences:
1. Making you eat the same food everyday, it becomes mundane and you do not look forward to meal times. Also, you will chew slowly, and food becomes more easily digested and absorbed by your body, hence less burden on your stomach.
2. Prohibiting personal hygiene routine such as washing of hair and shower so that one feels miserable and depressed. You are so busy scratching your itchy hair that you forget about hunger.
3. Loads of herbs and dark colour looking medicine and soups to ward off your appetite..
4. Prevent you from going out of the house so that you are not tempted by variety of food available in the outside world.

Kekeke.. I am thinking: those who are not going through confinement right now must be laughing at this theory, and thinking that I have gone nuts.. true, I might be going nuts because of the rules I have to follow during confinement. But nevertheless, this is my theory.. at least until my confinement period is over... (it doesn't feel like it is going to be over right now)...

Back from hospital and.... a mummy now

Actually this post is a little late because I am back home since 3 days ago, and have started my confinement.

My happiest moment is of course when doctor declared that although my baby princess has a tinge of jaundice, she is allowed to come home with us, but she has to go back to the paeds for check up tomorrow morning, but I can't go with her because I am supposed to stay at home during confinement.. sigh..

I can just watch my baby princess fall sleep for hours, and wish that I can always hold her in my hand and just watch her every movement. I know I sound like any other typical parent, but yeah you have to be a parent to know the feeling..

Well, for those who wants to know how the c-sec went... mmm... there is nothing much to tell actually. I did have some jitter moments before they came to my ward to wheel me out to the OT. I was a little uneasy when they told me to wave bye bye to my hubby outside the OT, because from then onwards I was all alone... then the anaesthecian came to give me the jabs. I must say, thanks to him I was calmer, and of course the spinal jab took effect almost immediately and I was numbed from waist downwards. My blanket was folded to cover my vision of the surgery, and I didn't know when my doctor walked in and when he started operating on me. I only felt a tight pull mid way through the surgery, didn't feel anything when the doctor stitch me back too. Oh, doctor also cut away some fibroids while he was in there, and I had no idea all this was going on. I was in quite a good mood after I heard baby's cry and saw her for the first time, and the 5 minutes or so that they put her on my chest, I totally forgot about everything, well, not that I felt anything else anyway.

And before I knew it, true to the doctor's words, I was wheeled out of OT in 1 hour, and half hour after that I was back in my ward. I was in good spirit the whole day, and had quite a handful of visitors who came and visit me. Thank you to those who made the effort to come see me and baby.

I had to stay in bed for the next 1.5 days or so, and was eagerly waiting for them to unplug all the drips and other stuff from me so that I can walk to the nursery to see my baby. Walking to the nursery to see her was my biggest motivation to get out of bed, although I was just operated on 24 hours before!

Oh well... to sum up my c-sec experience, it was really not as scary as people put it to be, and definitely not as painful as what they claim. True, post natal recovery takes a longer time, and I can still feel the wound and slight pain surrounding it, but then again, natural birth will also have post delivery pain as well?

Baby princess is now safely back home, watching her every movement is a pleasure. She feels so tiny and helpless that you just feel that you want to protect her from all harm, and give her everything that she needs. Hahaha... guess I sound like every other mum in this world.

Alrighty... tired now... night night...

Fishy Dinner

Oh, I almost forgot to blog about this funny tale which happened yesterday.

Hubby sent me an email yesterday, showing me what dinner mum was going to prepare for yesterday night. It was a picture of a fish, which he has also measured, and it was about 40cm long, including the head and tail. He also told me not to eat too full after 3pm, and save some stomach space for dinner, in anticipation of the huge fish, and 6-8 prawns that were lying beneath the fish..

I laughed so hard when I read that email, because it sounded hilarious, and then when I realised how big the fish actually is (I tried estimating 40cm), then I wasn't laughing as loudly anymore.. I shared hubby's concern, and was wondering how mum was going to cook the fish. If it was swarmed with lemongrass you can be sure that I will not eat it at all.. Somehow I just don't fancy the taste of lemongrass..

Anyway, in the end, to our relief, mum only fried half of the fish, even then we couldn't finish it.. mum was keeping the second half for another dinner session. Erm... I hope she don't keep it too long..

Are you curious about the size of fish, and what photo hubby sent me? Of course I won't let you down, it is attached right below...

The Big Fish...

Feeling bored at work..

Oh well, I wanted to share a joke with all today, but for some reason I can't cut and paste the joke so can't share the joke with you..

Last Friday when I was with Pyramid with my colleagues, 2 Chinese girls (students from either China or Taiwan) approached us and told us that they are doing a project. They are supposed to give a present to a stranger, and record the receiver's reactions, and asked if we were willing to accept the gift. My first impression was that I shouldn't because I was wary of the authenticity of their intention. So we actually rejected their offer, I felt a little bad about it but I would still reject the offer if I have to choose again.

Big day next week... today is officially my last working day before I go off, and start on my maternity leave.. time flies huh...?

Watch out for photos of my baby next week...!

Looks like C-sec it is..

Ha.. are you one of those who came to my blog recently to follow up on whether I am going for c-sec?

Well, went to the gynae on Saturday, and the verdict is: Baby has not turned... so looks like we have to accept the fact that I will be going for C-sec. Date: the week of 19th October. Doctor will see me one more time on 19th Oct to determine the exact date that he wants to perform the surgery.

Although we have almost resigned ourselves to the fate of c-sec, we are going for second opinoin next week. Just to be sure...

Things is certainly not turning out the way we imagined it to be..

Watch this space...

C-sec verdict to be out soon...

2 days... 2 days is all my baby have to turn.. otherwise doctor will discuss with me the procedure of having a C-sec this Saturday..

After learning a bit more about c-sec, I am even more determined not to go for c-sec, cos of the post natal recovery and also because of the epidural which will be inserted for the surgery.

So, turn baby turn....!

Sleepless Nights

3 consecutive sleepless nights can make anyone depress and cranky.. what more when you are already depressed to start with.. plus, my sorethroat is killing me. It has been getting worse since 2-3 days ago, and I think I developed an ulcer too. I guess lacking of sleep does do great harm to your body.. but what to do? Body is willing to sleep, but mind is not..

I just realised that since tomorrow is mid autumn festival, today is my lunar birthday. Been so depressed that I don't even remember that anymore.. and it is no longer special and as important. Not like anyone will remember.. a week ago things were different, and now... sigh..

Happy Birthday to me...!

Sad Day...

I am just in a lousy mood today, no mood for work and anything else. Things are definitely looking down right now, and I can see no light at end of tunnel..

Lord help me get through this please...