Through recent conversations with some close friends, I have slowly discovered that, in trying to please everyone, and in trying hard to fit it, I have done no one good. I have lost myself, I don't know who I am anymore, and I am definitely not happy. Not like anyone is happy, for that matter..
I have learnt to harbour things, and to keep quiet.. because there was no point bringing things up, it had always made matters worse... The aggressive and loudspoken me that once was, is now no longer in sight... A friend remarked that I am so different from school days, and she knew that I would have left all behind if the same thing happened back then.
Yes, I am no longer the old me, and I do not like the new me. If I have to, I would rather be the old me. Yes, I know I can choose to become the old me again, because life is short and I should try to live it and be happy while I am still here. Trying to please everyone is as sure as pleasing no one, that is so true but I cannot bring myself not to try and please them, and I often forget this saying too..
Yeah, I hardly have any social life anymore.. In fact, I do not remember when was the last time hubby and I went out for a nice dinner. My days are so routine now that I don't even get to go out... So bored of my current lifestyle... bored, and tired, and sian... and irritated, frustrated and unhappy... feel like leaving everything behind.. because there seems to be no way out of this but to end it. Maybe being cruel for once will be good for everyone..
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Thursday, March 11
A search for the lost me...
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4 comments:
At some point in our life we all lose ourselves. Reading your post made me realize that was me last year. But this year I decided to take back my life and be selfish from time to time. Because you know what? If I didn't take care of me, who will. Once I got married and had kids, my life turned into my husband, kids, career, then me. Getting laid off from my job 12/2009 was the best thing that ever happen to me. I am finally putting me first. Good luck to you and best wishes
Hi Lisa,
Thank you for your comment. It is good to know that I am not alone in feeling this, and it is common for us wifes and mummies to feel this way.
Will try to inject some zest in my life and find the old me (at least some parts of me) again..
Hi Susan,
Things change from time to time, so is our thinking and mood? Try to accept whatever in our future.
Explore new things, not too much on the past. Life must go on.
过去虽然值得怀念，换个心情接受新的未来，生活会更加美好。
Thanks y3k for your advice..
Life must move on and we must learn to change and adapt, but at the same time I feel that we should not lose ourselves along with the change.
Oh well, life is what we make of it anyhow...
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